I've protected women from abusers. I've never uttered demeaning words, or forced sexual encounters. I've been a single dad to a little girl who is my life, and I've sacrificed more than she will ever know (she never will either, because that isn't something that she ever needs to feel the slightest misplaced guilt over) to ensure she was secure, stable and loved. I've taught her how to love, how to conduct herself and be safe in the world. How to be a decent human being, and how when we take back our carts at the market, it isn't because people watch us, but because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO.
This woman has painted us all with a very wide brush, but honestly, I can't be upset about it. Her experience with men has obviously been overtly negative, and while it wasn't us individually that transgressed against her, others like us wronged her to the point that she claims to be unable to SEE us, or even give us the CHANCE to be better than they were.
That's sad.
It's all the more reason why the good ones among us need to do right by ourselves, our daughters, the sons we are raising and ONE ANOTHER.
If we are GOOD MEN, then it's all the important that we be GOOD MEN. Good to the ones who look to us to be better than their experiences. It may not be fair, but as GOOD MEN isn't it our duty to be MORE? To sacrifice for the ones we love. To go WITHOUT when our loved ones NEED? To quietly labor for a better life for the people we care about, so they don't have to suffer the experiences, pains and misfortunes visited upon them by the unscrupulous and unprincipled people of the world?
If we are to be good men, then let's band together with other men of quality and show the people of OUR little world that we are better than what people like this writer has espoused.
Thank you for this. I can also proudly say that I am not a sexist jerk. This notion of all men being predatory assclowns is also sexism at it's not so finest. I was raised by and around strong women. Women that wouldn't tolerate disrespectful behavior toward anybody regardless of gender or race. I recently read a piece about how all women have been taught to stay silent and that their opinions don't count, basically that they have all been helpless victims until now. I had to ask my wife where all of these victims are because the ones I grew up around were nobody's victim. My mother would strike fear into the heart of any asshole that dared disrespect her and she didn't need my father to help her do it. That's the example that I was raised with and I could list countless more. Friends, aunts, grandmothers, in-laws etc -all strong, confident women. Maybe I'm the exception but I doubt it.
I absolutely agree with you. There was a time though when I wouldn’t have agreed. Based on experience, I would have said that yes it all men and that all men are sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical, bigots. I would have said that it’s hard being a women in this world. And it is. I’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted, belittled, talked down to, and denigrated by men in my family, strangers, and yes, even friends. It can be an exhausting world to navigate. And women can be just as bad as men.
Eventually, i had an epiphany — not all men are jackasses. There are good men out there. Men who are kind and respectful. And these days when I come across someone who is being a misogynist, I remind them that every woman is someone’s daughter.
I took a break from Twitter a few weeks ago for my wellbeing and every few days I see some Twitter shitstorm that's largely passed the rest of the world by. I can't think of any positive reasons to return to the platform. I feel less angry and spend more time thinking about things objectively. It also means I read more posts like this rather than hyperbolic Twitter threads. Great post :-)
I really think most white guys are aware/have been learning that things for people of color and women can really stink, and at the hands of white guys. But the response they get pretty much forces them into one of three positions:
1.The "I'm so sorry" and the "I'm learning" white guys. I genuinely feel sorry for these dudes, because if you pay attention they never get any "atta boy's" from the woman or person of color they're appealing to. They just get told to do better, again and again. It's like its own form of masochism. Like they're on a Game of Thrones-esque walk of shame that'll never end.
2. The guys who fight back. They reject any and every story, statistic, and argument from women or people of color. They start to believe they are the true victims.
3. The crowd that just walks away. I think this might even be the majority. It's your average white dude who understands and acknowledges there are problems but realizes the game has been rigged and are tired of hearing "DO BETTER!!" over and over again. They realize there's no point in counter-arguments or debates because they'll ultimately just be told they're privileged or racist or whatever. They want to be a part of a solution, but also start to realize certain proponents of The Narrative don't want a solution...not really. What can you do? Walk away, or at least try to find new co-belligerents who actually want to join hands and solve problems and not just blast away at the unbelievers.
1,000,000 percent this.
I've protected women from abusers. I've never uttered demeaning words, or forced sexual encounters. I've been a single dad to a little girl who is my life, and I've sacrificed more than she will ever know (she never will either, because that isn't something that she ever needs to feel the slightest misplaced guilt over) to ensure she was secure, stable and loved. I've taught her how to love, how to conduct herself and be safe in the world. How to be a decent human being, and how when we take back our carts at the market, it isn't because people watch us, but because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO.
This woman has painted us all with a very wide brush, but honestly, I can't be upset about it. Her experience with men has obviously been overtly negative, and while it wasn't us individually that transgressed against her, others like us wronged her to the point that she claims to be unable to SEE us, or even give us the CHANCE to be better than they were.
That's sad.
It's all the more reason why the good ones among us need to do right by ourselves, our daughters, the sons we are raising and ONE ANOTHER.
If we are GOOD MEN, then it's all the important that we be GOOD MEN. Good to the ones who look to us to be better than their experiences. It may not be fair, but as GOOD MEN isn't it our duty to be MORE? To sacrifice for the ones we love. To go WITHOUT when our loved ones NEED? To quietly labor for a better life for the people we care about, so they don't have to suffer the experiences, pains and misfortunes visited upon them by the unscrupulous and unprincipled people of the world?
If we are to be good men, then let's band together with other men of quality and show the people of OUR little world that we are better than what people like this writer has espoused.
Good article Brother.
Thank you for this. I can also proudly say that I am not a sexist jerk. This notion of all men being predatory assclowns is also sexism at it's not so finest. I was raised by and around strong women. Women that wouldn't tolerate disrespectful behavior toward anybody regardless of gender or race. I recently read a piece about how all women have been taught to stay silent and that their opinions don't count, basically that they have all been helpless victims until now. I had to ask my wife where all of these victims are because the ones I grew up around were nobody's victim. My mother would strike fear into the heart of any asshole that dared disrespect her and she didn't need my father to help her do it. That's the example that I was raised with and I could list countless more. Friends, aunts, grandmothers, in-laws etc -all strong, confident women. Maybe I'm the exception but I doubt it.
I absolutely agree with you. There was a time though when I wouldn’t have agreed. Based on experience, I would have said that yes it all men and that all men are sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical, bigots. I would have said that it’s hard being a women in this world. And it is. I’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted, belittled, talked down to, and denigrated by men in my family, strangers, and yes, even friends. It can be an exhausting world to navigate. And women can be just as bad as men.
Eventually, i had an epiphany — not all men are jackasses. There are good men out there. Men who are kind and respectful. And these days when I come across someone who is being a misogynist, I remind them that every woman is someone’s daughter.
I took a break from Twitter a few weeks ago for my wellbeing and every few days I see some Twitter shitstorm that's largely passed the rest of the world by. I can't think of any positive reasons to return to the platform. I feel less angry and spend more time thinking about things objectively. It also means I read more posts like this rather than hyperbolic Twitter threads. Great post :-)
I really think most white guys are aware/have been learning that things for people of color and women can really stink, and at the hands of white guys. But the response they get pretty much forces them into one of three positions:
1.The "I'm so sorry" and the "I'm learning" white guys. I genuinely feel sorry for these dudes, because if you pay attention they never get any "atta boy's" from the woman or person of color they're appealing to. They just get told to do better, again and again. It's like its own form of masochism. Like they're on a Game of Thrones-esque walk of shame that'll never end.
2. The guys who fight back. They reject any and every story, statistic, and argument from women or people of color. They start to believe they are the true victims.
3. The crowd that just walks away. I think this might even be the majority. It's your average white dude who understands and acknowledges there are problems but realizes the game has been rigged and are tired of hearing "DO BETTER!!" over and over again. They realize there's no point in counter-arguments or debates because they'll ultimately just be told they're privileged or racist or whatever. They want to be a part of a solution, but also start to realize certain proponents of The Narrative don't want a solution...not really. What can you do? Walk away, or at least try to find new co-belligerents who actually want to join hands and solve problems and not just blast away at the unbelievers.
Awesome bro! I can’t comment on FB because my wife wouldn’t agree with it. How sad is that??? She thinks like that woman 😒