34 Comments

I'm glad the desire is returning man. I enjoy chatting with you about stuff like this that matters (and occasionally stuff that doesn't).

I tend to agree, which I'm sure you can ascertain from my response to your last post. Will's behavior was toxic (as much as I am loathe to use that overwrought term).

One of the things that really concerns me about this is the precedent it sets. It is a well known and regarded celebrity, essentially demonstrating that physical violence is a perfectly acceptable response to being offended.

Given our societies current obsession with finding offense in anything that we find remotely threatening...that's pretty scary.

Comics, commentators, strangers, friends, family, etc - beware - if you happen to say something someone deems as naughty, inappropriate or just mildly vexing, you are at risk of bodily harm done to you AND IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT.

I realize that's overstating it, and the vast majority of people will continue on in their lives, with little to no predisposition towards committing violence outside defending themselves against the same (as Malcom Reynolds said in Firely, "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back."), which, for the record, I support.

Words are just that - words. Sure, they have power, but in resorting to attacking WORDS, Will undermined his best defense against them - and the very thing he's spent his career perfecting, the very thing he just won his industries highest award for; his ability to communicate ideas, to enable others to share experiences, and emote why and how the words he performs are worthy. By reacting with anger and physical outrage, Will Smith took away the very potent power of his OWN WORDS.

That's a pretty sad thing.

I'll finish my comment just by touching on a few comments I've experienced among my social media feeds.

"White people cannot hope to understand a black man's response to a joke about his woman."

"Black women's hair is the most important thing to them."

"Any man who owns a gun has no right to judge Will Smith."

"I'll put down any man that says something like that to my wife."

"A man's job is to protect his wife from anything that threatens them, PERIOD."

Etc, etc.

I just can't. This whole thing is just a maddening, mental, and completely bonkers. I've even seen my more extreme friends attempting to politicize his actions and somehow find how their world view can use it against "the other side".

Just MENTAL.

Anyway, my last thought it about the assumption that women are incapable of defending themselves. Full disclosure, I have an amazing 10 year old little girl, and we've been a single family since she was 3 years old. She is fierce, wild, smart and capable. I've done my best to teach her that she can do anything she wants, and while she doesn't need anyone to validate her, her friends and family (and future partner) will only serve to make her more rounded and stronger as a person. I do not expect she will ever NEED a man to defend her from words. If she does, then I've failed as a father to her. But again, I doubt that will be the case, as she said to the woman in line at Disney who told her she was a pretty princess...

"Uhm, ma'am, I'm not a princess, I'm a knight...I save the prince and princess."

Dang right she does. And if words ever turn to violence, then there are a whole lot of people ready to defend and empower her - just as there would have been for Jada had that been the case.

But as Jim Carey said...it's words. Words only carry the power you grant them. And I absolutely believe Will Smith's WORDS would have been a far more powerful (positive) message than his slap.

Good post brother.

Expand full comment

Hey, good post yourself! Seriously, though, great comment and that's a great story about your daughter at Disney Land! Parenting is so tough, but moments like that are so rewarding.

Expand full comment

Im a Blackman and I lost all respect fot Will and all those black men who ran up to

Will between commercial in stead of the victim Chris. Poor George Floyd lost his life because we black people dont honor truth - sadly there's an argument Greorge lost his life because we black people do not respect ourselves.

Expand full comment

Hi Erik. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough time lately. Separations/breakups are never easy, whether married “legally” or not. They are a time of true loss, so please be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve and reflect.

I just thought you could hear something uplifting so I wanted to reach out and tell you what an unexpectedly positive impact Diabolical has had on my approach to life. I used to spend a lot of time last year being irritated with people who supported Trump, or pissed at anti-vaxxers that I perceived as “dumb” or uneducated. Through reading a lot of your writing and really considering your message of “be excellent to each other,” I have, in fact, altered my approach and realized what a gross misuse of my time it is to post memes about my political views, or things making fun of the belief systems of others (basically inducing no more than either back-pats from my echo chamber, or just eye rolls from those who don’t feel the same). Also, as a life-long agnostic now trying to navigate her way through bringing up children in a very non-secular world, I’ve also started striving to adjust my attitude towards religion. I now try to embrace the views of others and respect how important those ideals are to them. I’ve realized that if I too often display to my children my personal feelings, that religion is silly or often hypocritical, I am ultimately only teaching them unnecessary judgment and contempt. Those attitudes do nothing to affect positive change in the world, and it’s not the person I want to be.

I truly appreciate the fact that you’re not afraid to call out the bullshit on both sides of the aisle, in a world where not engaging in tribalism is becoming pretty unpopular. You don’t just call it out, but you call it out with intelligence, and facts to support your argument rather than just bloviating your personal opinions for the sake of stroking your own ego. Your work truly feels like breath of fresh air and I’ve just genuinely appreciated it so much. As progressive as I consider many of my views, I always say that rhetoric that is too extreme on either side is never a good thing; the world need voices like yours. Keep doing the work, and thanks again.

Expand full comment

Alissa...wow...all I can say is thank you. Thank you for saying this, for letting me know. It's so rare and cool and tremendously wonderful to hear that something I've written has had this kind of positive impact. I'm truly humbled.

This honestly gives me faith...I've really felt lost, like truly lost and aimless and consumed by doubt and just hearing this really ... surprises me in a good way. Thank you! Much love!

Expand full comment

Great piece Erik.

The fact that Will was laughing with everyone else right up until he left his seat to sucker slap Rock isn't getting enough attention. So it was funny until...?

imo the next scene should have been of him being walked out of the ceremony by police or security guards.

I've always had this nagging feeling that Smith was a tool-- for no reason really that I can explain. He just proved it.

Expand full comment

Thanks!

Expand full comment

Yup. I think what I tweeted on Monday sums it up nicely: Responding to words with violence isn’t strength, it’s weakness.

Expand full comment

It's also dickery.

Expand full comment

Also, I personally think the GI Jane reference was a positive thing, Demi was a fricken BADASS in that movie and kicked a whole bunch of men's asses into the fricken ground!! She was playing a female Navy SEAL for crying out loud!! Shoot, I'd be totally cool if someone compared me to that character!!

Expand full comment

That's a really cool take!

Expand full comment

Yeah, I didn't get how 'insulting' it was until someone explained to me the medical condition. Personally, you can compare me to Demi more as GI Jane any day of the week for any reason, medical condition or not, and I'd consider it a compliment.

Expand full comment

So very well said!! Thank you!! And I'm happy to hear you're feelin your writing vibes again!! Love reading all of your stuff!!

Expand full comment

Thank you!!!

Expand full comment

100% agreed.

Expand full comment

It's interesting how people pull different things from the same video.

I saw Chris Rock behave amazingly - he took the punch and kept doing his thing. It was really impressive.

I didn't see "toxic masculinity". I saw Will Smith behave appropriately until the "death look" from his wife. Once his wife wanted him to, THAT'S when he decided to get physical. Obviously I have no actual idea about what's going on in these peoples lives, but if I were to bet I'd bet that his wife has got him seriously fucked up, and he only did this because he decided, correctly, that it was what she wanted, this woman who cheated on him and he stuck with (do I have that right? First she cheated on him, then they declared they had an "open marriage"? Don't do this, kids. It never works.)

My general feeling on this is that the overreaction to it is way more disturbing than the event. Chris Rock's joke was nothing. It wasn't even funny, really, it was just part of a host's job. It certainly wasn't making fun of a serious illness. Will Smith really fucked up, but it's hardly the worst thing anyone has ever done. Hell, my first bet is above; my second bet would be that it turns out to have been staged just for shits and giggles.

Expand full comment

I think toxic masculinity and toxic femininity go hand in hand. I don't really know what's going on between Will and Jada but it sure seems toxic all around. The fact that he saw her look of disapproval and went from laughing at the joke to attacking Chris Rock makes me think things are pretty bad, which is one reason I include the bit about men seeing red flags if their women encourage violence.

I have a funny story. Years ago I was at a concert with some friends. We are all over 6 feet tall, fairly strong guys. Three of us. One of my buddies has been hired to take photographs of the evening, just of people at the show, of the band on stage etc. So he's taking pictures and always asking people first.

A group of girls comes up and they get their picture taken and ask me to take their picture also with some of their phones. We oblige and don't think anything of it until suddenly one of the girls grabs her phone back angrily and storms off. Very odd! I still have no idea what her deal was, but it seems as though she noticed my friend taking their picture and was confused. Maybe she thought we were just taking pictures on their phones and thought he was being a creep (rather than the show's photographer).

Anyways, ten or fifteen minutes later her boyfriend and one of his buddies comes out and confronts us. He's acting tough but is visibly nervous. He's probably half a foot or more shorter than we are, and his friend is pretty small also. Neither looks like the kind of alpha male type who would start shit with three dudes much bigger than they are.

He said that his girlfriend told him to come confront us because we were taking pictures of her and her friends with her permission. He's very much trying to be tough here, and it made me laugh out loud. I told him that they asked us to take pictures of them on their phones and we, being friendly sorts, agreed. We explained that my other buddy was taking photos for the show itself and had asked them if it was okay.

I told him straight up that this was a red flag. I said man, why would your girlfriend make you do this when she knows you're outnumbered and outgunned? Why send you into danger like that? This was a hip-hop show and those can get a bit rough. His friend was clearly not in the mood for any of this and kept telling him to come on, let's go, but in the end we all kind of laughed about it and I just told him to not let his girl push him around, especially if it could result in getting into a fight.

My conclusion is that there are some chicks who are just as toxic and manipulative and horrible as the worst toxic guy, but they'll get their men to do their dirty work whenever possible. The other girls all seemed nice and normal. I'm not sure why this one was such a piece of work.

Expand full comment

And how do we know that Jada's 'look' was aimed at Rock or what Rock said and not at Will and his laughing at it. Thus his stupid need to 'prove' himself.

Expand full comment

I have said this on Twitter, talked about this with friends too. We are of different opinions, we all think all the involved are awful people, that is all we all agree upon.

I don't think Will should have done what he did, but i don't think mocking someon ill is ok. It is not just words, you can inflict a lot of pain with words, even with jokes. Note i don't mean this is the worst case possible. Actually I don't think, or at least i am not so sure to acusse Chris rock of having real bad intent, but what he said was awful. He also should apologize -but that is up to him, each person has its own moral.

A friend told me, you can't say you don't like violence but... I have read people talking about bullies and how they have no choice but violence to stop them. I remembered my schools days. I have never been in a fight in my life. I avoided them. But i have tried to punch a friend once, he made my life impossible at school. He didn't tried to punch back, he seemed to understand what he did, how bad i was feeling. The word friend is correct, the world can be strange when you have 12-17.

I trust people intelligence, but just in case, this last thing is not about Smith, but about how for many people pacifism has not always been an option. And they are neither bullies, or abusers.

I remember walking to a Park where i think someon would beat the crap out of me because the option was loosing respect at school. It didn't happen. With time we became good friends, some where surprised. Because, yes, non violence is the better way, if you can have it.

I have been hit in the stomach with an elbow and reamined calm to talk about it. I can tell it is not the normal reaction in an adrenaline sport. At least not in Argentina, sadly. I even whilling to take some hits. But i imagine someone mocking some family members of mine due to some illness and all the love, all the fears, all the little sadness that involve are easily move to anger. Were i a stronger person, maybe not.

Again, Will and Jada seems to be full of shit. But one wrong don't make one right.

Sorry for the long text.

As a extra note. I have seen people react to attacks or ugly comments in different ways that are not always what we expect. I have said things i regreated and people didn't reacted the way i could tell they were hurt. No idea if this is the case, i don't think Will, Chris or Jada are honest persons -just an unfair impression. But i would avoid saying she/he laughed it is ok.

I write this because for all the thing i agree with you and like to comment when that happen i don't think it is honest to stay silent when i disagree, or partially disagree.

But there i was, discussing with friends i really love and disagreeing about an incident related to involving people no of us really like or respect. Yet we disagree and we are friends. No slap was missed.

Expand full comment

I mean, I think there's a time and place for violence. If you're being picked on, pushed around, beat up at school you should fight back. Absolutely. If a comedian on a stage pokes fun at you, however, you should probably just realize that this is what comedians do. They roast people, especially famous people. It's not a big deal.

Expand full comment

Sorry for the bad english, i was doing some work while writing and a lot of sentences are a little broken.

Expand full comment

I am not trying to defend anyone here, just trying to gain an understanding through looking at the bigger picture.

Will Smith is an A-list star. He has been at the top of his game for an exceptionally long time. Now it could have been hubris that made him get up to "defend his wife’s honour" in front of the entire world, but I don't think that was the case here. He and Jada have had to admit that for years they were in an open marriage after some artists started rubbing it in their face. Who knows what else was going on behind closed doors? Add to that the pressure of sitting in front of the entire world on the most important night of his life and I think it's clear to see that the man just snapped. Some popular psychotherapists have been arguing for years that women tame the dangerous civilised man by marrying them. Is Will Smith a dangerous man? I certainly would not mess with him. Maybe the strains of the open relationship on top of who knows whatever else was just too much for him to take. For me, the true star of this whole sorry episode was Chris Rock who somehow managed to hold things together (although barely) and do the job he was hired to do, even whilst being physically assaulted for doing so.

Expand full comment

Yeah Chris Rock really impressed me. I feel bad for Will Smith. I think he's obviously not doing well and honestly, with an Oscar in hand, he should be at the top of his game.

Expand full comment

Good article. However it would be nice to comment on the 'joke' also. Is it fine to make fun and encourage millions of viewers to laugh at serious illness? What about disabilities? And not in a general sense, but to single out one person like that is sickening and encouraging bullying behaviour

Expand full comment

What serious illness are we talking about here? Hair loss? Something that Rock wasn't even aware of when he made the joke? Frankly yes, it's okay to make jokes about anything honestly. Words are words.

Expand full comment

And I kinda think Chris Rock should sue Will Smith and maybe, just maybe, that would show Will Smith that his behavior was absolutely, unequivocally UNACCEPTABLE. It was simply a bad and stupid joke, not worth going up on stage to hit someone for. Jada Smith should have grabbed Will by the arm and left the event, she simply enabled his behavior.

Expand full comment

I agree. It would curb the dangerous precedent set here.

Expand full comment

I think you were right on all your points. You expressed how I feel exactly.

Expand full comment

I agree with you Erik.

Expand full comment

Masculinity isn’t toxic, but Marxism, the disease you are infected with, is toxic. Will Smith’s action was what the victim of a narcissist like Jada Pinket Smith, looks like. He is responsible for putting up with her and allowing her to screw up their children

Expand full comment

Dee, you think I'm infected with "Marxism"? Gosh maybe you should call me an ambulance! Is it serious? Could I keel over any minute from thoughts of the workers controlling the means of production??!?

I haven't written a single Marxist thing in my entire life, though I am absolutely sympathetic to worker rights, labor balancing out capital etc.

Masculinity isn't toxic, I agree. But it can be. There are toxic women also, and I think Jada is one. Perhaps her toxic behavior led to Will acting toxic (and yes, assaulting someone over a joke is toxic).

But wait sorry I forgot that I'm deathly ill with, gulp, MARXISM! Won't someone save me!?

Expand full comment

Capitalism is about profiting from one’s own property and labor, it defends the individual’s right to profit from his or her labor. He or she owns his or her labor, not the state. Marxism is neofeudalism, the plantation slavery state, it has nothing to do with worker rights. What is toxic is your sick twisted ideology. Marx had a skin disease so miserable and resentful of others, he hated everyone and everything, he never worked a day in his life and lived parasitically off others. He plagiarized the work of others, he raped the girls his wife employed as maids and paid with wealthy factory owner’s son Engel’s money. He sought a society he could control over, enslaving all labor. You are a Marxist, like all puerile, disconnected from reality, stunted mentally in adolescence, still mad at daddy and maintaining a 💩 list twinks, that is what you are. Whether of the neocon Trotskyite, leftist Leninist, stasi Stalinist or even the bolshevik Alissa Rosenbaum aka Ayn Rand, socialist Hitler, or Mussolini variety, are all Marxist and reading over your backlog yeah you are most definitely Marxist.

Expand full comment

You're a delusional little spider monkey, Dee. Your understanding of politics is juvenile and laughably so. You're a yarbling stereotype whinging about the myth of Marxism. Your black and white checkerboard notions of poli-sci are as pathetic as they are dull. Pull thy head out of thine ass and get outside.

Expand full comment