Halo Infinite, Fake Cortana And The End Of Sexy

Is this why we can't have nice things?

I have run into some trouble on Twitter over a tweet I fired off somewhat glibly about Cortana and “fake” Cortana (aka ‘The Weapon’ a new AI in Halo Infinite who we know very little about) and how the new design is kind of crappy.

Here’s the tweet:

Erik Kain @erikkain

For real though, this is why we can't have nice things. #Xbox20 #XboxBethesda #Xbox #E32021 #HaloInfinite #Cortana

The top image is of Cortana from Halo 4. The bottom is The Weapon, a mysterious AI in Halo Infinite who was first introduced just days ago during Microsoft’s E3 Showcase (see all the games, trailers and announcements from that showcase right here).

Now, lots of folks have seen this tweet and made various assumptions about what I’m saying, which is understandable, I suppose, since I don’t say very much and leave a lot open to interpretation.

A certain subset of gamers has decided that I must be upset that fake-Cortana doesn’t have as much exposed “skin” and that I’m just a horny dude-bro who needs to “get outside” and I’m throwing a tantrum because fake-Cortana isn’t sexualized enough. These smug folk are outside all the time and never horny. Pure, they are, and clean in the eyes of their ideological overlords.

Many have also screamed and wailed at me that this isn’t Cortana. No shit, guys. I had no idea!

The point, of course, is not that I think they’ve changed Cortana’s design. I’m well aware that this is not Cortana. Cortana has been deleted. She’s dead. She’ll almost certainly be resurrected by the end of Infinite. Whatever. The point is not that I think The Weapon should be in the same outfit as Cortana from Halo 4, either. In fact, I think that Cortana from Halo 4 is clearly over-sexualized (though quite possibly on purpose and not just for horny teenage boys).

In my review of Halo 4, which I called a “beautiful, tragic love story” I wrote:

Maybe I'm just a sucker for a good love story.

Which is what Halo 4 really is: a love story but not a romance.

The affection between Cortana and Master Chief is not romantic, despite the odd sexualization of Cortana.

Elsewhere on Twitter, of course, I clarified. I noted that it’s not the amount of clothing that bothers me, but the weirdly blocky design. I just don’t think that fake-Cortana looks good at all from a design standpoint, clothes or no. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that 343 Industries has de-sexualized the character to a preposterous degree, making her stiff and awkward. I’m not sure why an AI called The Weapon isn’t at least given a badass uniform.

I also note that somewhere between these two designs is probably the sweet spot—neither hyper-sexualized like she is in Halo 4 (though I think the “romance” aspect of that game is why she was presented that way) nor this blocky design we see in Halo Infinite. Somewhere in the middle lies the balance. This is a direct reply to my own Tweet but who reads that far?

Erik Kain @erikkain

And I'm not even really talking about the *amount* of clothing here. It's the design in general. Blocky and awkward and just why?

Here’s an image of Cortana in the first four Halo games:

It’s clear that T&A became more and more a priority for Cortana’s design as the years rolled by and, despite my apparent lack of “going outside” and being “horny”, this strikes me as a bit silly as well. In some ways it’s the reverse of Lara Croft’s design in the Tomb Raider games. She went from outlandishly curvy with a dangerous bust size for any rock-climbing adventurer, to someone with realistic proportions. But Lara Croft still looks good in the newer games. She looks like a real person but she’s not awkward or boxy. The new Lara Croft design is excellent, realistic, and a major improvement over earlier designs. Fake-Cortana’s design, on the other hand, is boring and mediocre.

Maybe I’m wrong, of course. I can be a bit reactionary at times—I can admit it. My first thought seeing this—which is when I fired off the tweet, during the Showcase itself—is that this is yet another example of over-correction because of pressure from critics.

Cortana was too sexualized in the past, so now this new AI must be sapped of all sexualization altogether. But it could be that this AI is purposefully presenting herself (itself?) this way in order to differentiate herself from Cortana, or that this design somehow symbolizes the lack of connection between Master Chief and The Weapon (whereas Halo 4’s Cortana symbolizes their deep connection bordering on, but never quite reaching, a romantic one).

I’m not sure what the right answer is here. I’m equal parts amused and irritated by the backlash on social media, but then again that’s basically my default feelings when it comes to Twitter. Person A tweets something, Person B sees it and makes an assumption and then all their followers hop onboard aping that assumption and acting high and mighty and holier-than-thou and thinking they’re oh-so-clever while they’re actually just regurgitating the same crap as everyone else. Holier-than-thou alone subject them to the “male gaze” not like those deplorable, sullied masses, not like your humble narrator, O my brothers and sisters.

Two things can be true at once. We can look at much of the video game landscape and see that, historically at least, some of the sexualization has been a little silly. We can also believe that the reaction to this is a little too puritanical, the Moral Majority in new clothes. I was against all that nonsense when conservatives were wailing and moaning and throwing tantrums about how violence and sex is ruining our youth. I’m still against it now that the left is doing the same thing with shiny new justifications. And I fully admit that because this bothers me, because I see it taking place all around me, I may be a bit reactionary at times.

The fact is, the media we consume is deeply sexualized yet almost entirely unsexual and it’s bizarre. All our Marvel superheroes and the actors who portray them are the finest specimens of muscle and tone and curve and yet there is nothing sexy about any of them. No sexual tension. No sex at all. There’s a push to desexualize women in particular which I think is a shame not because of the “male gaze” (there’s no shortage of adult content out there, after all, whether we’re talking porn or Instagram) but because I don’t agree with that sex or sexiness is a bad thing. I don’t think we should cover up He-Man either. Let that muscled torso ripple above that fur loincloth all you want. Who cares? I find the whole notion that it’s somehow wrong or immoral to enjoy beauty or sexy really strange and backwards.

But that’s just me and I’m clearly a diabolical bastard through and through and and the Twitter police won’t read this anyways. The world is a terrible place and the night is dark and full of terrors. C’est la vie.

On a side-note, I’ve started a second Substack newsletter called fantastical that focuses on the fun stuff in life and leaves politics and censorship and cancel culture out entirely. In my intro post I call it the “angelic twin” to this devilish newsletter. Check it out and thanks for reading!