Anything Goes At The Wi Spa
The transwoman who exposed her penis in front of other Wi Spa customers has been charged with public indecency. The whole thing raises lots and lots of questions with no easy answers to be found.
Darren Agee Merager has been charged with five counts of indecent exposure after a group of women claimed that Marager, who identifies as a woman, exposed her penis at the Wi Spa in Los Angeles back in June. Merager denies the accusations.
When the incident first occurred, protests quickly erupted with both pro-trans rights groups and rightwing groups taking place in a series of sometimes-violent protests and counter-protests. The usual idiots—Antifa and the Proud Boys—both engaged in violence and police sometimes had to intervene with force.
Any excuse for some ultra-violence, though, amirite?
Meanwhile, the media reported the incident with the usual bias and slant we’ve come to expect these days. Slate called the whole thing a “transphobic hoax” though that is clearly not the case. Lois Beckett’s reporting at The Guardian was even more one-sided.
In that piece, we learned several details. We learned that there were “far-right” protesters present (the term is mentioned seven times). We learned that the protests are “anti-trans” (a term mentioned seven times, plus the headline). We were told that some of these far-right, anti-trans protesters are probably part of the QAnon conspiracy or at least influenced by it. No mention of Antifa was made despite ample evidence of their participation.
Curiously, this is all framed as part of a one-sided culture war whose only participants are “far-right groups and Republican legislators” as though nobody but extremists could possibly have any concerns with trans athletes participating in women’s sports or changing in women’s changing rooms—issues that have historically been deeply controversial and divisive by any reasonable metric and continue to be for a majority of Americans today.
The most recent Gallup poll on the matter shows that the public has mixed views on trans-rights issues, with a majority of Americans (62%) stating that athletes should play on teams that correspond with their birth gender (rather than gender identity). Only 55% of Democrats believe that trans athletes should play on teams that correspond with their gender identity. Whether you agree with these positions or not, the issue is obviously far from decided with the American public.
Merager, we should note, has been convicted of indecent exposure in the past. She is a tier-one sex offender in California due to incidents in 2002 and 2003. In 2008, Merager was convicted of failing to register as a sex offender and is facing ongoing charges for a separate locker room incident in December of 2018.
This is a “pattern of abuse” according to Merager. “You allow [trans women] to go in there [women’s spaces] and then people simply claim indecent exposure and you’re arrested,” she said. “If you go into an area where you’re expected to be nude, there has to be an indecent exposure exemption.”
This is where things get very thorny because yes, of course, if you go into an area where you’re expected to be nude you shouldn’t face indecent exposure charges. That’s ridiculous. But while I believe that we should absolutely be compassionate toward trans people and fight for a world with less discrimination and violence, I think we also have to be realistic about these things.
Outside of very liberal circles, largely online or in various liberal enclaves like universities, most people are going to have some issues adjusting to a world where women have penises and you have to see them (rather than a world in which this is a thing but doesn’t ever impact you personally). Given the constant threat of sexual assault and rape women face, this should not be a shocking revelation.
It’s absurd to think that all biological women and girls will simply, and suddenly, not feel threatened or uncomfortable when exposed to male genitalia in traditionally female spaces. Merager is 52 years old and 6’2” tall. An imposing figure. It’s not hard to see how biological women might be uncomfortable being naked around her in what has traditionally been a penis-free zone.
This is not transphobic; it’s a normal reaction to something many women are not prepared to experience—especially women who may have a history of sexual abuse or assault. What I think many activists don’t understand is that you simply can’t expect massive social change in the blink of an eye. It isn’t how the world works.
The gay rights movement spent decades fighting for marriage equality (and tolerance and equality more broadly) but the trans rights movement, while not “new”, has only been part of the public conversation for a few years. How can we expect this vast of a sea change in public opinion in such a short span of time?
When we talk about trans rights we can’t forget to talk about biological women’s rights as well. Ideally, rights would never come into conflict, but that’s not how it works in the real world. A transwoman’s right to access a female changing room will, inevitably, come into conflict with a biological female’s right to not be exposed to male genitalia in a female changing room. I won’t dive into the question of athletics and competition, but I will say I have empathy for both sides of that debate. None of this stuff is easy or black and white.
But to say that trans rights are sacrosanct while biological females’ rights are merely transphobic is hardly fair.
It’s possible, of course, that biological women who are not transphobic may still be uncomfortable around the male genitalia of strangers. Go out into America—an activity few in the activist class ever seem to take part in—and talk with ordinary Americans and yes, you’ll probably find more than a little transphobia from people who find the whole thing quite suddenly a subject of mainstream discussion, but you’ll also probably find more who are sympathetic to a broadly tolerant society than at any time in our history. We have made great strides toward a more tolerant, equitable world.
Hit these people over the head with a hammer in order to force them into adopting radical positions and policies overnight and you’ll never convert them. Changing hearts and minds is hard work. Much harder than head-smashing.
Finally, if we are to treat trans people as actual equals than we have to stop pretending that every single trans person is somehow pure and noble and good. Trans people are just like the rest of us, right? Prone to all our sins and shortcomings. Trans people can be predators and sex offenders just like straight cis white hetero dudes. Human nature doesn’t suddenly disappear when you transition.
A friend of mine told me a story about a guy he’d often encounter at a certain bar years ago. This guy would almost always get too drunk and he’d go up to other men at the bar and grope them without permission. He’d make unwanted sexual advances, say sexually charged things and often get kicked out. Years later he transitioned and became a transwoman and a fierce trans rights activist. Is this person no longer a predatorial creep? Does the act of transitioning to a woman also wash away your sins? Maybe every group has its bad apples.
Perhaps Merager is merely facing transphobic bias and a system that’s stacked against her; then again, perhaps some predators use the current cultural moment to get away with very bad shit. With a long rap sheet that includes numerous incidents of indecent exposure, one has to wonder. After all, plenty of other transwomen are out there not facing these charges or complaints. Why not?
The media has taken sides and understandably so (to a degree). There is rampant transphobia in this country and it is deeply disturbing to see. But there needs to be a sensible, level-headed conversation about these issues that doesn’t turn everyone even mildly critical of gender activism’s more radical notions into a monstrous transphobe and doesn’t leave biological women and girls in the lurch. Fighting one wrong with another has rarely worked out in the past.
The fact is, these questions aren’t going away simply because activists and the media want them to and no amount of finger-wagging or goalpost shifting will make it so. Biological women who are concerned about being exposed to male genitalia in traditionally female spaces won’t simply change their minds because reporting on this issue is one-sided. Antifa can’t “smash” transphobia away any more than we can bomb our way to peace or win a war on drugs.
Change takes time and patience and empathy. We, as a society, seem rather short on all three.
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Courtesy
Inadequate, but courtesy is the lubricant of a functioning society.
Example. I am a straight man, relatively attractive for my age.
I have been approached a couple of times by gay men. I turned them down with the courtesy that I hope to get from women when they turn me down (happens more than I like).
Anger is rarely an appropriate response.
I suspect that there are many predators (both sexual and social); they may need a firmer response.
But there is a shortage of both courtesy and compassion in our world.
Many will comment on the weakness of my lament, but anger is always available.
Let's try courtesy first.
Hate to even make this point, but it's important to this story- she wasn't just exposing genitalia, she was exposing erect genitalia. In front of a 6 year old. It's really unfortunate that a few creeps and creepers do stuff like this and make things more difficult for other trans people.